October Film Fright Fest: Super Mario Brothers

By Tiger Oliver

There are some movies that are scary, then there are movies that are bad. Then, there are movies that are so bad, they’re scary.

Then, there’s 1993’s box office disaster, Super Mario Brothers.

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Honestly, anyone who can make it through this massive trainwreck of fail without wanting to kill their television can probably make it through all of the nasty internet shock videos that have circulated around the internet since 2 Girls 1 Cup.

This movie has got to be the worst video game movie ever made, tied only with Jean-Claude Van Damme’s Street Fighter. However, to give some iota of a silver lining to the tempest, it was the very first movie to be based off of a video game.

To put the plot in a nutshell, two plumbers named Mario Mario and Luigi Mario (played by Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, respectively) come across an NYU student named Daisy (played by who’s digging for fossils under the Brooklyn bridge. Luigi and Daisy go back later that night and find that the site had been sabotaged. So, they grab Mario and go back, where the Mario brothers get knocked out and Daisy gets kidnapped. Our plumbers give chase and find a parallel universe and a city called Dinohattan ruled by Bowser Koopa (played by Dennis Hopper of Speed fame) who turned the former ruler into fungus.

Turns out, 65 million years ago a meteor hit the planet, causing a dimensional rift in which the few remaining dinosaurs entered and evolved into a humanoid species not unlike ourselves. However, the only way to reunite the dino-dimension and our dimension is to put the meteor back together. The only remaining piece of the meteor left separated belonged to Daisy. Okay, so it starts to make sense.

After that, everything goes topsy-turvy. No, not the movie, the entire plot. After a chase scene, a huge woman bouncer getting fresh with Mario, the revelation of Daisy being the princess of the whole dang dimension and something about a Koopa de-evolution machine that looks strangely like an old Super Nintendo Super Scope, it gets to where the big face-off begins. Mario and Luigi de-evolves Koopa into some goop, ending his reign over the reptilian universe. The Mario brothers leave, but are quickly called upon by Daisy again to help with some villains.

Let me spell it out for you, they actually planned a sequel!!!

Thankfully, for the sake of humanity, they never got the chance. This film was widely criticized by everybody: the critics, the movie-goers, the video game fans and even those who worked in the movie itself. Shigeru Miyamoto even criticized it for trying to parallel the Super Mario franchise too much. The movie flopped in the box office and everyone who worked on its production has claimed that it’s the worst mistake they’ve ever made in their entire careers.

However, not to say that there wasn’t good in the movie. Bob Hoskin’s accent made the Mario character come alive, much like “Captain” Lou Albano when he protrayed the mustachioed hero in “The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!”. Plus, Dennis Hopper’s performance in this game landed him in more villain roles, most notably in Speed and Waterworld. Also, the Bob-omb was actually a perfect representation of its video game counterpart. That, in itself, saved the rental VHS tape from a horrible Super Mario Bros. demise via falling into a lake of fire.

Needless to say, this movie is awful. Decent acting, Bob-ombs and a sweet Mario accent couldn’t save this movie from being the steaming pile of scrambled Yoshi eggs that it is. A horrible plot, even worse depictions of video game concepts and the lack of any worth-while relationship to the franchise outside of small references completely kills this movie for me.

Honestly, you should watch this on Halloween, it’s scarier and more disturbing than anything that Jigsaw himself could dream up.

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2 Responses to “October Film Fright Fest: Super Mario Brothers”

  1. Just watched this movie the other day…. It was way cooler when I was a kid.

  2. Strange this post is totaly unrelated to what I was searching google for, but it was listed on the first page. I guess your doing something right if Google likes you enough to put you on the first page of a non related search. 🙂


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